Recently loads of my friends have been going through what we in India refer to as an arranged match. Most of them are normal, nice and friendly people who just havent found the right person and willing to let their parents help. Not the usual emotionaly retarded people i had to meet when my parents tried arranging my life.

Lets take friend No 1: It is a she who has had a few relationships in the past and all of them had not reached the level of commitment a marriage needed. so she decided maybe it a total stranger was what she needed. Her mom was all grins and managed to find a whole horde of eligible men. We had humungous fun going through the photos and biograhies and at last zoned down on three who seemed human and knew proper english grammer.

Her first date was in a well known coffee shop. She arrived fashionably late and approved when the guy didnt say a word and quietly handed her the menu. Things went ok that far, the conversation was strained but normal. Then the guy asked if he could light up. She said yes. Then he asked her if she wanted a smoke, she replied no thanks, i quit.
The smile froze and the last she saw of him was his back heading towards the gate, not before he mumbled something about going to the loo. He later apologised by mail explaining he did not want to marry anyone who smoked, past, present or future as the kids would surely be born deformed. What about your own sperm moron or second hand smoke stupid ?...but anyways friend no 1 wasnt fazed too much. (one of her boyfriends dumped her because his 'spiritual guru' asked him to.)

The second guy's parents were the active arrangers and wanted a proper girl seeing ritual. My friend always up for new experiences immediately said yes. The parents, the guy and a horde of relatives arrived, coffee was served and the girl was paraded. She sat opposite the groom and his mother and tried to catch the guys eye. He seemed besotted with the coffee cup, while the mom ogled at her and asked her a few questions, mostly regarding her salary. Then she turned to the son and loudly asked him, 'do you like her?'. He dutifully nodded his head (we think or was he just lowering his lips to the coffee cup brim we shall never know) Following which she looked at my friends dad and said ' i think we can arrange the engagement in one week and the wedding can be in June when my daughter is coming from the states, your daughter is very lucky to have my son. He topped his engineering class do you know?" My friends father mumbled something to the tune of 'i have to ask my daughter, let them talk to each other first' 

The guys mom gaped and replied ' my son is earning 1 lakh per month! He just bought a house in bangalore and why does she want to talk?' This was followed by a huge sigh from my friend (which is a sure sign of things going the very interesting but dangerous way) She leaned until she was a few inches away from the guy, caught hold of his chin and opened his mouth and said ' has a tongue but seems to be totally dumb' stared down at the mother and then walked away. The 'guests' quickly left.

That was the end of her arrangement of marriage plans, she has now decided to follow the spiritual guidance of her ex boyfriends 'guru' who has immediately asked his disciple to marry this ' phool jaisi kanya'

PS: My friends next year tax deductions will show a large donation to a charity run by a little known but very enterprising spiritual guru.